Holy Crap- I'm back!

Good morning everyone! I have come out hiding if you can believe it.

I had numerous email's from readers asking when I would blog next, or if I was okay?

The truth is:

Alot has happened since I last blogged and to be out right honest I wasn't always in the mood to blog or didn't feel fully inspired enough to put my thoughts to script.

Right after my last blog entry my car was broken into and everything that made my world go round ( in the most superficial way ) was taken.

- Laptop

-Bookbag

-Books

-Wallet

- Planner with account information tucked inside

Happily, I got everything replaced but boy was it a constant worry.

Let's just say it was a long month of trying to get my life back together and trying to replace everything that got stolen.
What I can admit I took from that experience, is that I learned my lesson.
I will never keep anything in my car of value and I will appreciate everything I have even more than I do now.
Sometimes I think we forget all of the amazing things we have access to and everything we feel we are entitled to. I don't take anger away from this unfortunate experience, but I take wisdom and appreciation instead.

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In the past few months I have met a lot of wonderful people and shared some wonderful memories with others whom I knew prior.
I have lost some relationships but also I gained some.
Some very important ones.
The people who I share my life with mean more to me than anything in the world and sometimes it takes unlikely obstacles to realize this.
I would do anything for the people around me and I hope the people in my life know that.
However, in the past few months I had separated myself from the outside world in the sense of just trying to get everything back in order and back to normalcy.
I guess the fear is, I don't always want to let people in on the situations in my life, or have to explain certain things, or talk about myself.
It's nothing personal towards them, it's personal towards myself.
So I keep my distance.
I will change that.

I have realized that not every relationship in your life ( friends, co-workers, family, romantic, etc...) will not always go your way, or work out the way you intend them, but at the end of the day you should always let the people you love and care about know how you feel.
Sometimes I think about " what if I don't make it through this day? " or " what if I don't ever get the chance to see a person again due to an accident or other complications.."
It breaks my heart to think about if someone didn't know how much they meant to me, or knew the last conversation I had with them was a fight or negative feelings.
Trust me, from experience, it will haunt you forever and that feeling of wishing you could have said or acted differently never fades away.
So, those who I don't always show this love and affection to, I will try harder.

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" The ride is in what we make..."

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CLEANSE.

So, for the past two weeks ( since I got back from Sasquatch Music Festival ) I have been on a cleanse. I have been consuming close to only fruits and vegetables and drinking water constantly.
I decided to cleanse because on my trip to Portland and Washington I ate horribly and felt sick 24/7.
Also, in the past couple of months due to stress and changes in my lifestyle I gained a whopping 13 pounds! Yeah, you heard it! 13!

I went to Whole Foods and bought their 7 day cleanse kit and happily tomorrow is my last day.

I'm not going to lie, I haven't seen or felt much of a difference from this "kit" but I can tell a difference by eating fruits and vegetables on the constant.
Sadly a few days into the cleanse I got a kidney infection and had to halt the cleanse process and this is why its taken me almost 2 weeks to finish.
I don't think I would particularly recommend this product to anyone, just due to the fact there isn't a big enough difference to me, but I would say trying to stay on a diet of produce has it's benefits.

However, with the cleanse AND the infection I have also had to stop running.
Depressed.
It amazes me how much my mood changes when I am not on my usual running regimen.
My mind isn't all there and I don't feel as confident as I normally would.
After this weekend, I will be back in full force!

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Lately I have been looking forward to my future and thinking about all of the great possibilities I have my way.
There is so much I want to accomplish and see and I do believe with drive and ambition I can accomplish all of them.
I'm getting really excited about thoughts of grad school and what I could see me doing as my profession in the future.
I have really found a high interest in Mount St. Mary's college in California and I hope to be able to get into their Counseling Psychiatry program.
I still need to finish a few classes of my undergrad and for the first time in my life I don't feel like such a loser about not being finished yet.
Everyone is on a different path and if it wasn't for me taking so much time in school working on my degree I wouldn't have met certain amazing people in my life.
I'm thankful.

There are days where I do get worried and frightened for what lies ahead of me, I'm human, but those thoughts are quickly changed by how much hope I have.
I know I may never get to do "everything" I always dreamed of, but I know the older I get the more content I become on just living each day to the best I can and try to bring a sense of happiness and thankfulness to each situation.

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SUMMER!

My favorite time of year - finally!
I love everything about summer!!!!!!!!!

Here is my list of things I would like to participate in this summer:
- Get back into shape
- Run a half marathon trail run
- Decorate my apartment
- Look more into grad schools
- Music shows
- Camp at least once a month
- Spend more time with friends and family
- Farmers Market every weekend I am in town ( and make a meal that day of the produce I bought there )
- Festivals
- Start a journal ( Which I embarrassingly had a break down last night and started. I think with the absence of running, participating in this cleanse, having a facial break out... I felt really low and had feelings of worthlessness. Having feelings of "am I good enough ? " rushed into my head during a bath, but happily I think I just needed to get a good cry out and re asses my life. I'm in a really good place right now and I think mostly I have fear of losing it )
- Trips out of Utah.

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I can't believe it's been MONTHS since I last wrote and I am going to try to get back into it as much as I can!
Have an amazing summer with the people you love!

XOXO.

Skirts have Sprung.

So exciting that the weather is finally changing.

It's getting warmer, there is more sunlight in the nightly hours, birds are chirping and bright green leaves are sprouting from every dull and grey tree...

It's beautiful.

The best part?

Skirt weather!!!

I love skirts in the spring/summer and I wear them every chance I get.

I added a fun bright colored scarf, gold feather earrings and my favorite moccasins.

My favorite skirts are the spandex type ones that hug your body.

You can make them sexy or very casual as I did with more laid back accents.

If you don't have one, I highly suggest grabbing one, and if you are like me H&M is the perfect place to snatch one for yourself :)

( Also in every color possible.... )

http://www.hm.com/us/

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Updates on my apt....

Well, there isn't much more to say except that fact I'm happy as a clam and I love living on my own.

My apartment is so comforting and really puts me at ease.

The best part?

I am RIGHT down town.

I can walk everywhere.

On Tuesday I met up with one of my greatest friends Danika for lunch and it took me seriously 5 minutes to get to the heart of downtown.

It was incredible.

I loved being able to walk out my front door with my headphones in and just start walking.

This location is going to be incredibly prime for summer festivities....

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Birthday.

Well, I turned 25.

A number that used to frighten me, but when the day actually came I was pleasantly surprised.

Sometimes I get worried with myself that I haven't accomplished everything I could have in the time I have had since high school, but in reality, that isn't the case.

I have done much that I am proud of and moving out on my own has really been the peak of my growth.

For my birthday it was mellow and wonderful.

I saw all of my closest friends and had such a wonderful evening.

Dinner. Drinks. Cupcakes.

It doesn't get better.

Let's keep this good weather-a-coming and good vibes in the air :)

That's what this time of the year is ALL about.

Re-growth.

Do something you have always wanted to do...

Talk to someone you have always wanted to but were too afraid to do so....

Put yourself out there for all the world to see....

It's what life is about :)

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Real quick boy crazy moment:

Garrett Hedlund.

Pardon me while I go excuse myself.....

Whew....

 

LOVE.

XOXO.

The NEW apt!!!!

Hey, hey, hey!!!

So I wanted to give you guys a sneak peek of my new apt.

I still have quite a few things to add and I still need to move things from one room to another, but so can get a gist of what I did this weekend: here it is.

Bathroom.

Bedroom.

Dining Room.

Kitchen.

Living Room.

** Picture's were taken before the apt was cleaned **

Last night was the first night that I slept over at the new abode and it was wonderful.

I usually get frightened waking up in the middle of the night alone, but let me tell you this, this apartment has a very comforting feeling.

There wasn't a time I woke up in the night that I didn't feel safe and at ease that I just fell right back to my zzzzz's.

I know that for some of you this isn't a problem, but for me... I'm a real scaredy cat.

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I cannot wait to get new pieces for the rooms and new decor.

It's going to be quite the adventure.

Today I put up a ton of white lights and I can't wait to see what they look like tonight when it's dark.

I hope its peaceful and beautiful.

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Also, Saturday night I saw one of my favorite people in the world live:

JEFF CORWIN!

If I didn't have a huge crash on him before ( which I did ), I have an even bigger one now.

He is hilarious and adorable and his passion and understanding of animals/nature is extremely motivating. 

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I want to also say thank you to everyone who sent me birthday love :)

I seriously have the best friends in the whole world.

I feel so lucky!

Wednesday night we went out for a mellow night and everyone who came, I love you!

Amanda and I.

The Ladies.

I hope you all have a great rest of the week :)

LOVE.

XOXO.

Trail Running: How it's Effected Me.

A question a get from my readers and people I know outside of the cyber world is:

" Why do you love trail running so much? "

or

" What got you into trail running? "

Let me begin with how it first got my attention.

Up at the University of Utah, where I attend school, there are many trails to run, hike and bike.

While being up at the dorms I would constantly see people running up on the hills.

This seriously interested me.

I still remember telling my friend Dana numerous times...

" If I could be MADE into anything, it would be a trail runner."

This was about 7 years ago.

** MADE, was an MTV show that people would get made into different aspirations that they had **

For how much I thought about it, I never tried it.

Then I met my ex.

Bentley Bedker.

He was a very outdoorsy person.

Skier, climber, camper, hiker, and of course trail runner.

I remember the first time he asked me to trail with him.

I was terrified.

I turned him down. He kept asking me over and over again until one day I said " okay, lets do it."

Now, this was back in my hay day party days.

Over weight due to the consumption of 30 racks, shots and non stop late night scarfs of The Pie.

I obviously wasn't ready for the run ahead.

I hadn't worked out in years and yet I still brought myself to try.

Can I tell you something?

It was the worst thing I had ever done.

I ran a total of maybe 10 yards on this trail and was donzo.

Embarrassing?

ABSOLUTELY!

After being humiliated I gave up on the trail running dream I had.

Until...

Bentley passed away.

A lot of people don't know this, but he is the main reason I love trail running so much.

I still to this day feel he is with me when I am up in the hills and I guess to me it's my time that I get to still share with him.

It's time that I still feel him and I get to be together.

I started really slow.

I first started hiking up the hills and would run down them.

If you think running down hills is easy, you're wrong. It's almost just as hard.

From there I would incorporate more running into the hikes I did.

Up until this last year I couldn't make it up a hill to save my life.

This has been my greatest accomplishment and now running up hills is my favorite part of trail running.

I love it because it's hard.

I love it because there isn't one time that I run that I think I might possibly not make it and not finish the run.

There isn't one time that I don't have to push myself to make sure I accomplish my goal.

When I think long and hard about the feelings that I get trail running, it's emotional.

It's pushing yourself to try harder and not give up when you are at your lowest point.

It's that feeling like you are going to vomit, but having to look deep into yourself to take a deep breath and KNOW that you will make it to the top.

I don't think that everyone is cut out for trail running, but all I know is that if there is something you want to do, but are afraid of failure, don't let it stop you.

I had let my fear of failing stop me for long enough.

Now, there is nothing honestly in this world that I do that makes me happier than trail running does.

I think this is also why I share so much of my happiness with it to the people around me.

Everyone should find something in this world that touches them the way that trail running does for me.

In the long run,

I think trail running has made me a better person.

A person who feels like I can accomplish anything I put my mind too.

A person who knows that things in life are going to tough but if you believe in yourself you can do them.

That is what Bentley and trail running has done for me.

Bentley and I had our hard times.

I can't deny that we didn't.

But I hope he looks down upon me and knows that he did shape the person I am today.

I am thankful for him for that.
I hope he is as proud of me and I am in myself.

LOVE.

XOXO.

Evaluation.

First off.....
I LOVE!!!!!

Obviously, what music could possibly not be absolutely beautiful coming from the girlfriend of Justin Vernon. 

Sadly, she has no Utah shows. Even more sad? She's not even going to Sasquatch Music Fest.

Click link below to LISTEN!!!!

On repeat.....

Kathleen Edwards - Change the Sheets.

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Coffee Snob.
Yes, this is who I am.
I can't help it, but coffee is something in my life that I REALLY need to be perfect.
I think I inherited this from my parents due to the fact they had me drinking coffee at a young age.
My parents go through pot after pot of coffee a day, and this is normal for them.

Since I started my new Tuesday work day at a different location, TOSH, my daily routine has been a bit scrambled.
I haven't yet figured out exactly how to start my day on the right path.
This morning I was running late and NEEDED my coffee ASAP and the closest thing I knew of was Mc.Donalds.
Yuck!
My lord Mc.Donalds, I can't say enough horrible things about you.

I took one sip and gagged.
The next place I saw on my commute before I got on the freeway was 7-11.
Stopped in real quick.
Blah!
Even worse.
The coffee tasted like water and again, put into my cup holder and tried to forget it was there.
Upset and tired, longing for a decent cup of coffee I noticed a Starbucks right before the TOSH campus.
Hallelujah!
Now, I am not a fan of the Starbucks, but I do know that their coffee is something that I can handle and even though I don't believe in what they stand for ( corporate ) I know they can brew me a strong, satisfying cup.
So right in I walked and asked for a large ( I also do not use their "fancy" cup size names ) black dark roast coffee.
Can I tell you the best part?
There was a line of about, I say 5-6 people waiting to receive their froufrou coffee drinks, but because I am a normal person who finds pleasure in a plain coffee with nothing added I didn't have to wait for a second.
He poured it, and off I went.
Happy.

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Food.

Last night I watched an episode of "Anderson" that simply caught my interest.
It was about people who have disordered eating.
These are people who have issues with food, such as people who eat the same thing everyday, or people who only eat one type of item.
There were two women on the show who only ate potatoes.
This is what they ate on a daily basis for 40 years.
CRAZY!
Anderson Cooper himself has what they call "disordered eating" as well.
He eats the same 4 things every day for months.

This got me thinking about myself and how I fall under somewhat of the same category.
Now, I don't think that I have "disordered eating" but maybe something along those lines?
Or, what would make even more sense is that I know what I can and cannot eat being gluten intolerant that I just stick with what I know I can eat.

To let you in on my food life,
I eat the SAME things every day.
Everyday.

SCHOOL DAYS.
Breakfast:
- Chocolate Peppermint Stick Luna bar.
-Banana.

Lunch:
-Soy Crisps.
- Apple.

Snack:
- Grapefruit
- Carrots.

Dinner:
( This is where my life changes things up. Dinner is always different, but not that different. I usually always eat the same 5 things for dinner as well.... but its not as routine. )

WORK DAYS:
Breakfast:
- Chocolate Peppermint Stick Luna bar.
-Banana

Lunch:
- Salad
-Sweet Potato
- Grapefruit

Snack:
- Apple.

Dinner.

WEEKENDS:
Not in any order but again ALWAYS.....
- Luna bar.
- Banana
- Apple
- Grapefruit/Orange
- Soy Crisps
** Then usually I eat out a few times through out the weekend**

It's weird.
I do not know why I do this, but to me its just routine.
It's easy.
I understand it.
There is no reading labels.
No gimmicks.
** Also don't get me wrong, I eat other things as well but those are things that I will eat daily without a doubt. The other things I eat are just filler. **

If you didn't know my goal in life is to be a health psychologist.
I want to be able to help people come to conclusions about the foods they eat and why?
I want to work with children who have eating disorders or who over eat and help them understand why it is they do what they do.
I think this is why this specific Anderson show interested me.
I think it's so interesting and maybe I should evaluate myself and why I eat the way I do...

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BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!

This up and coming weekend is my birthday and I am actually excited.
I'm stressed, but it should be fun!

Friday night:
Grizzlies hockey game.
Bar. ( At least I am hoping, but I move the next day. )

Saturday:
Moving.
Jeff Corwin live show in PC.
Bar.

Sunday:
Moving
Homework.
Studying for midterms.

Monday:
MY BIRTHDAY!

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Bows and Frills.

Glitter Nails.

LOVE.
XOXO.

APT. Part 2.

Finally done....

With cleaning and prepping at least.

Today we painted the bathroom and kitchen and added some new lights and decor.

New bathroom.....

New kitchen! 

( My mother even helped me paint the little knobs on the drawers green :) )

New dining room.

I am so excited about this room.

Finally I can sit down at an average table to dine.

Putting up the tape before painting.

Painting.

( Yes, that is full on white jumpsuit my father wanted me to wear in order not to ruin my clothes, even though all I was in was black stretch pants and my Whistler Blackcomb ski shirt )

Took out appliances to clean behind them.

Yuck.

But, off course to the Catton's it's necessary.

My AMAZING parents!

I couldn't have done anything without them.

Lunch/Dinner = Linner.

Made and personalized by Torrey.

This completely made my day :) 

Thanks Torrey :) <3.

Now, the week ahead, there is plenty to do.

Packing.

Cleaning the old apt.

Buying new things for the new apt.

Homework.

Work.

Social life.

The list goes on....

At least once everything is done and I am moved into my new apt, I can celebrate my birthday on the 26th stress free :)

That's what I'm looking forward too.

Perfect!

LOVE.

XOXO.